Posted by: Harold Knight | 09/28/2009

How to give yourself Bi~polarity

Disclaimer: I know “they” say the way to get people to read your blog is to keep it short and snappy. But what’s a hypergraphic to do? I’m down to 578 words today.

Why open your mail when you can store it here?

Why open your mail when you can store it here?

I’m in a phase neither manic nor depressed—although I did watch nonsense TV last night and began to cry (probably at realizing what I wasn’t doing), but the crying did not last long—and that leaves me not knowing how to cope with “normal.”

Last night I was furious because I could smell cat pee but couldn’t find it, so I cleaned the entire area and seem to have eliminated it. Why do I have a cat that pees on the floor? The answer is, “I don’t know.” I don’t know which of my three darlings it is. Maybe it’s all of them. Shall we talk about what this does to the shape of my life? It gives me an excuse not to invite anyone in. Do I want people here? Of course I do. Of course I don’t. The old “push me, pull you” routine. But that game has much to do with sex/love dysfunction and isn’t exclusive to Bipolar folks. Maybe it feeds Bipolar symptoms. Or maybe I should just get rid of the cats (my only companions) and give up this excuse for isolation. Right.

Please, don’t think I’ve decided I’m bipolar because I’ve read too much. It never would have occurred to me to read about it without the diagnosis by the doctor in the mental hospital where I went to prevent my suicidal ideation from developing into an actual attempt.

Of course, I know too much. But here goes: one description of symptoms from one website—and we all know that, if it’s on the web, it’s true and accurate. (take two examples:  especially see: III. Conclusion)

NOW that I got that necessary information out of the way, here’s the partial list of symptoms:
(if a student presented this as a source for an argument based on research, I would reject it):

*     “Be concerned if someone begins canceling social engagements and staring at television programs he otherwise wouldn’t watch.” (Some “otherwise” programs I frequently watch are: UFC, Judge Judy, Nostradamus shows, etc. I don’t cancel social engagements; I make it simple and refuse to make them in the first place.)

*     “Notice if mail – even bills – is piling up unopened, or other common tasks such as laundry, taking out garbage, etc., are not being done.” (See my posting, “Sometimes I feel like a motherless chili,” for 9/19/2009. I know, I know, it has always been this way. So I’m lazy? I hate housework and always have? Nothing to do with any psychological/physiological problem. It’s the character defect of SLOTH.)

A fellow-sufferer's pile - Oprah, Don't bother!

A fellow-sufferer's pile - Oprah, Don't bother!

 *    “Marked change in appetite (increase or decrease), or significant weight gain or loss, can signify many conditions, including depression; consider it in light of other depressive episode symptoms.” (I’ve gained 40 pounds in the last year. I wish I knew how to stop it.)

*     “Keep track of episodes of unexplained and uncontrolled crying.” (OK. This one could happen right now, even though I don’t “feel” depressed. I know: it’s because I’m so sensitive and artistic.)

*     “Contact the doctor quickly if you experience or someone reports recurrent thoughts of death and suicide.” (No comment necessary.)

What shall I think of all of this? You or you psychiatrist tell me.



  1. Just a tip (which you probably know) for expanding your readership of this blog. Use tags. At the end of each post, before you publish, make a list of “tags” such as mental health, writing etc and add them.
    This way people can find your blog.


    • Thank you, viv66. I was wondering how to do that—and didn’t even notice the form in “new post.”



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